I’m Excited to Get my New Garage Doors

How, you may ask, could anyone be excited about a new garage door? Well, good question. For me, it’s not so much the doors, it’s the four-car garage they’re attached to. A garage that sits across from my 18-room mansion in Dallas, a mansion that is chocked-full of very expensive interior decorating ideas. Am I so shallow that I need to talk about my immense wealth? Not really, it’s much more fun to talk about how I got it. You see, I swindled a swindler, and there is something really delicious about that. And I did it the old fashioned way – I divorced him.

You may have heard of my ex-husband, but for the sake of the lawyers let’s call him “Jim”. Jim is, or should I say, was, in the oil business. Not drilling – cleaning up spills. You know all that boom you see around oil …